after a long time…

Well, time flies and now sem exams are coming n my yr 2 sem 1 is coming to an end! well well, haiz… i am so so so so worried, i hope i can mk it thru this time round too..

Well, recently been so busy, busy till i have no life. HA. My life now is study, home and also club stuff. It really mks me very paranoid when i cant do my things well. haiz.. super disappointed w myself. I find my standard has drop and there are many good n better ones comin up. I m not sayin that i am the best, however, i am just utterly disappointed w my own performance be it in school work or club. Esp both of them are so impt to me.

I feel rather bad when pple have to ask me if i am ok? i really do not know what to say too! Coz i feel i am in such a confused state at times tt i do not voice out how i feel. Seriously, yl said tt i am taking too much responsibility to myself and not spreading my workload well. However, sometimes i do feel super insecure. Esp w all the assignments i had w my classmates. Not tt they are no good, they are cooperative but however i not sure i feel the prob lies w me at times. When things dun go well, n when i also predicted it, i feel one of them, deep down inside will be looking down on me lah.

Haiz.. also being in main com now, responsibilities are greater now. I feel i disappoint many people. As some may have higher expectations of me as compared to sub com days. I feel i am no longer efficient already. I think i will disappoint alot of pple. Seriously. Now a days when i do my job or work, or even simple things like gg out n get sth, i do feel disturbed over some matters that i have to do etc. Till i dont concentrate till i do GREAT MISTAKES!

Well, to  him i feel sry if i was not able to help or do anything when i see u feeling so down or just so stressed up w all our projects. I know u are trying real hard. I feel at times, speechless and helpless.. or even useless. or felt that i was not even needed in the grp. Frankly sometimes w all the warmth hi and greetings i do feel great… but at times i just feel SUPER Neglected. i am not blaming anyone, but just myself bah. Coz u can say i am anti-social at times, but guess i m too stress till i just need some quite time.

I guess when i am not in a good mood it is clearly written on my face bah… am so sry but i think i have not learnt how to open up as much, as i am afraid i will just hurt or say the wrong stuff. Haiz.. pls pardon me… really…

i do not know who can give me the motivation.. or that shld i go for consuelling. Seriously, even if i do go, i guess it will be at sq 1 again.. nth much will be said..

I am worried when they are "gone". But well will just pray hard for the guidance and also patients to do anything or everything well.

I know we can do it! Let’s Proof THEM WRONG!

anyway.. its coming to 1 am already. Tml watchin NDP preveiw!

Gtg,

Tk care..

Will blog soon..

Cheers

chel

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